In marriage you either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.

Guys, Men, Husbands, Fathers

I’ve been a husband for almost 25 years, about half my life now. For the most part I think we guys, men, husbands, fathers get a bad wrap from society, occasionally for good reason but usually because of stereotypes or for sport. Not all men are the same but there are some commonalities to many […]

The Sin of Omission

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. ~James 4:17 (NIV) This is one of my favorite verses in Scripture because it reminds me that sin isn’t just doing something bad but can also be not doing something good. If we know the good […]

What is Gatekeeping?

One of the questions that I get asked about marital sex is, what exactly is a gatekeeper? What does a gatekeeper do? Why is gatekeeping not a good thing? Well basically a gatekeeper allows for regular sex but only on their terms. They limit sex to only those things they are comfortable doing very seldom […]

The Power of Eroticism in Marital Sex

One of my favorite posts by Dr. David Schnarch (affiliate link) is People Have Sex Within The Limits of Their Development. it is one of my favorites because it challenges the reader to realize that to mature beyond their current limits will require some feelings of nervousness and anxiety. The process toward maturity is not […]

Communication is the Key to Knowing

Regardless of how long you’ve been married to your spouse you don’t really know them as well as you probably thing you do. Regardless of what you think you cannot read your spouse’s mind. Despite your best efforts you will make incorrect assumptions about your spouse’s wants, needs, desires and particularly their motives. All of […]

Flesh=Bad/Spirit=Good is Heresy

Paul B. of The Generous husband writes about a wife who believes that limiting the amount of sex her husband is allowed will draw him close to God. Here it is in Paul B’s words: The wife has indicated God wants her to limit the amount of sex because the man cares too much about […]

Manual Sex Advice for the Wife

On one of the online forums in which I participate the question is often asked here about making the experience better for our spouse, whether that’s oral sex, manual sex, etc. Today I’d like to make some observations about sexual behavior in general and then manual sex (hand jobs) specifically. SEX IN GENERAL Don’t fall […]

Desire: Willing Versus Wanting

I was reading a Christian book written to women about marital sex recently that has been on my reading list for sometime. There were a number of things in the book with which I didn’t agree so I’m not going to recommend the book. However, there was one thing struck me for truth in the […]

Manipulation

Ever been manipulated? Most of us have. Ever been spiritually manipulated? If you’re part of any type of religious community it is likely that you have or at least the attempt has been made and perhaps you recognized it for what it really was at the time and were able to avoid it. Spiritual manipulation […]

Gotta Clue? Want One?

An exchange between a husband and a wife: Wife: What’s worse than not having a clue?Husband: What?Wife: Not WANTING a clue! Sadly, the state of many marriages is summed up in this humorous, humorous if you’re not living it, exchange. It is one thing to be blissfully ignorant, I mean, we don’t know what we […]

More on Karma in Marriage

Again, I don’t believe in karma but I do believe that we reap what we show. Galatians 6:7 (NASB) Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. The thing about reaping what you sow is that you cannot start sowing something new today and expect […]

Karma in Marriage

I don’t believe in karma, I do believe that you reap what you sow though. Galatians 6:7 (NASB) Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. In other words, if you kick the dog when you walk in the door at the end of the […]

How to Get What You Want in Marriage

Too often we’re trying the wrong things to get what we want out of our marriages. One of the craziest things that we try that very rarely works is denying your spouse what they want. I don’t know if it’s vindictiveness or what, but we try it and will continue at it for YEARS. At […]

Terminology

When marriage issues occur we have a habit of framing discussions around perceived “needs” when what these “needs” really are are “wants” or “desires”. The issue here is that you aren’t going to die if all of your “wants” and/or “desires” aren’t met so the discussion of what you “need” from the relationship is derailed […]

James 1:4 (NIV)

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

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