In marriage you either grow up or grow apart. It's your choice.

Sexually Refused Wives

Something that I wrote back in 2011 for Julie at Intimacy in Marriage: Wives Who Are Sexually Refused.


Ever been manipulated? Most of us have. Ever been spiritually manipulated? If you’re part of any type of religious community it is likely that you have or at least the attempt has been made and perhaps you recognized it for what it really was at the time and were able to avoid it. Spiritual manipulation […]

Gotta Clue? Want One?

An exchange between a husband and a wife: Wife: What’s worse than not having a clue?Husband: What?Wife: Not WANTING a clue! Sadly, the state of many marriages is summed up in this humorous, humorous if you’re not living it, exchange. It is one thing to be blissfully ignorant, I mean, we don’t know what we […]

More on Karma in Marriage

Again, I don’t believe in karma but I do believe that we reap what we show. Galatians 6:7 (NASB) Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. The thing about reaping what you sow is that you cannot start sowing something new today and expect […]

Karma in Marriage

I don’t believe in karma, I do believe that you reap what you sow though. Galatians 6:7 (NASB) Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. In other words, if you kick the dog when you walk in the door at the end of the […]

How to Get What You Want in Marriage

Too often we’re trying the wrong things to get what we want out of our marriages. One of the craziest things that we try that very rarely works is denying your spouse what they want. I don’t know if it’s vindictiveness or what, but we try it and will continue at it for YEARS. At […]


When marriage issues occur we have a habit of framing discussions around perceived “needs” when what these “needs” really are are “wants” or “desires”. The issue here is that you aren’t going to die if all of your “wants” and/or “desires” aren’t met so the discussion of what you “need” from the relationship is derailed […]

Marriage Helper: Sexual Rejection’s Effect On A Marriage

Too good not to share: From Marriage Helper, Sexual Rejection’s Effect On A Marriage.

You May Think You’re Being Generous, Perhaps You’re Just a Gatekeeper

Perhaps you are no longer refusing your spouse sex and you feel you’re being a generous by going past your preference for less sex but don’t realize that you have moved from being an outright refuser of sex to a gatekeeper of sexual pleasure. What is the difference between a “refuser” and a “gatekeeper”? A […]

The Price of Peace is Integrity

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. This is a two choice dilemma. I want to keep the cake and I want to eat the cake. To choose one makes the other impossible. The price that we pay for peace in our marriage is often a two choice dilemma, peace or our integrity. […]

You Choose

I finally have something to say after a long dry spell. Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and kind words during this difficult time. Something I read recently made me realize that there are two options to the challenges we face in our lives and our marriages. 1. Accept it and live with it. 2. […]

A Cold and Sad Winter

It was a difficult winter as far as the weather for much of the country and it was a particularly difficult winter for my family as I lost my dad this past February. As such, I haven’t felt the inspiration to write. My apologies for that. Hopefully inspiration will hit soon. Blessings, Kentucky Colonel

Repentant, Reformed or Rationalizing Sexual Refusers

DISCLAIMER: This thread is not about extreme situations where abuse is present but is about normal marital conflict and marriages that include two sinners. Somethings I’ve been reading recently got me thinking about the phenomenon of the “awakened sexual refuser” or the “former sexual refuser”. Recently I’ve also noticed another phenomenon of what I call […]

Dealing with the Past in the Present

There isn’t a one of us that hasn’t made a mistake in their marriage. In fact there isn’t a one of us who hasn’t made many, many mistakes in our marriages. One of the more difficult realizations on the road to maturity is that we cannot change the past and must deal with those hurts […]

James 1:4 (NIV)

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

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