Too often we’re trying the wrong things to get what we want out of our marriages. One of the craziest things that we try that very rarely works is denying your spouse what they want. I don’t know if it’s vindictiveness or what, but we try it and will continue at it for YEARS. At some point you’d think it would dawn on us that, hey, this isn’t working the way I thought it would. Me denying my spouse what they want out of our marriage isn’t getting me what I want out of the marriage.
Another doosie is unspoken expectations. I mean, how can a spouse live up to your expectations when they don’t know what your expectations are? No one but God knows what is in your head and you should be thankful for that. God’s more forgiving than the rest of us…
Why on earth would we think that this behavior will get help us in creating a marriage that will get our needs and expectations met? Immaturity. Immaturity based upon insecurity but it boils down to immaturity.
It’s time to grow up.
Adults aren’t so insecure in what they want that they are afraid to tell their spouse. Why do we hide what we want and try to manipulate our spouse into giving us what we want without having to actually ask for it? Fear of being turned down by our spouse. What is so bad about being turned down? I mean, what have you lost? Nothing. What have you gained? Integrity. As we discussed before, our spouse’s response to our wants, needs and desires belongs to our spouse.
We can’t control anyone but ourselves and we don’t get what we want without talking about what we want.