I’ve been a member of The Marriage Bed Forum (TMB) since July of 2004. I think it’s a good community of believers committed to promoting Christian marriage. It’s a Christian forum on sex so it is also well moderated, which is what also makes it a good community.
Very often a newbie will give marriage 101 advice to a veteran member of the board. By the time people find their way to TMB forums they’ve usually already tried the dress sexier, do the dishes bit already. So, giving “woo your spouse” advice to a veteran TMB member is like telling Albert Pujols to keep his eye on the baseball. That’s advice you give a Little Leaguer not a Major League MVP. In other words, they’ve already tried wooing their spouse, what they’re looking for is advice that will actually work on a spouse that isn’t wooable.
As I mentioned in my last post This Isn’t a Sex Blog… they’re often being as unwooable as their spouse but in a different way. So, the first order of business is decide what you want, need and desire from your marriage and your spouse. The second order of business is the find out what your spouse’s wants, needs and desires are from your marriage and you. With that information you are then prepared to begin a process that moves you, your spouse and your marriage in a direction that gives you both what you want, need and desire.
There will likely be some conflict in moving in that direction particularly if one wants more of something and the other wants less of that same something. Marriage is a growing machine. The idea here is to build a more intimate, happier, healthier marriage based on strong Biblical principles. If everyone agrees that that is the idea then these issues of conflict should be handled with the idea of more intimacy, not less; a happier marriage, no unhappier; a healthier marriage, not unhealthier; a Biblical marriage, not unbiblical.
Basically each of you need to become more wooable to you spouse’s wants, needs and desires and each of you need to be willing to share what you really want, need and desire from your spouse and your marriage. That is what intimacy is, being known.
So, just how wooable are you in a way your spouse would like?