Posts tagged sex

This Isn’t a Sex Blog…

Jan18
2013 Leave a Comment Written by Kentucky Colonel

it’s a marriage blog.

There are a number of reasons that I write so much about sex. First, I’m a married man that enjoy sex with my wife. Second, sex is what differentiates marriage from every other relationship. Two perfectly healthy individuals married but not having sex might as well be roommates sharing expenses. Third, and probably most importantly, sex, being exclusive to marriage, is the aspect of marriage that reveals our intimacy issues more than any other aspect of the marital relationship. Therefore, the sexual relationship reveals the areas in our life where we need to grow intimately.

I don’t think it was a mistake that Paul used the marital relationship to describe Christ’s relationship to the Church. I believe that the relationship between each believer individually and collectively with Christ is to be an intimate (not just sex) relationship.

There are things that we want to share with our spouse and there are things that our spouse wants to share with us and those things usually aren’t the same. It goes something like this, the higher drive spouse for sex has trouble being emotionally vulnerable with their sexually lower drive spouse because they don’t feel sexually connected to them. All the while the higher drive spouse for emotional connection has trouble being physically vulnerable (sexual) with their sexually higher drive spouse because they don’t feel emotionally connected to them. Do you see what is happening here? One spouse needs the other to provide sex to feel emotionally connected while the other needs the emotional connection to be vulnerable sexually.

Opposites do attract. I think it’s for a reason. Marriage reveals our weaknesses. For marriage to improve and grow we all need to work on our weaknesses. In my marriage I needed to learn to be more emotionally vulnerable and connected to my wife and my wife needed to work on some of her weaknesses for our marriage to improve. We’re never done learning or growing.

Now back to Paul’s analogy of marriage between Christ and His Church. God already knows us. We can’t hide anything from him, though we fool ourselves into believing otherwise. Our relationships with others are used to identify where we need to grow in relationship to our intimacy with Him. So, what do you think you’re hiding from your spouse?

Posted in Marriage - Tagged emotional connection, marriage

Guest Post Today at Hot, Holy and Humorous

Jan07
2013 Leave a Comment Written by Kentucky Colonel

I’m guest posting today over at Hot, Holy and Humorous on Sexual Appetite. It’s probably not exactly what you think…

Posted in Marriage - Tagged appetite, husband, wife

Why Don’t Women Need Sex?

Oct23
2012 4 Comments Written by Kentucky Colonel

J’s post Does Sexy Lingerie Promote a Perverted View of Beauty? got me to thinking about perceived differences between men and women. Honestly, it actually began with two posts by Pastor Bob Russell, Wives, Help Your Husbands Stay Pure! (1 Corinthians 6-7) and Husbands, Help Your Wives Stay Pure!, but J’s post is what prompted me to write this. For the record I think J’s and Brother Russell’s posts are good and don’t disagree with them as it they written for particular audiences.

In J’s post she share the following from a male reader:

However, the most significant reason for her distaste, and the most troubling, is that she equates lingerie with the culture of porn, strippers, and unrealistic expectations of female beauty. She feels that by wearing such things she’s trying to reach some unattainable standard of perverted beauty that plays in the fantasies of men.

I added a comment to the post because when I read the quote above the first question that entered my mind was, what’s the difference between a wife wearing lingerie for her husband, and a husband sending his wife flowers? Isn’t each is an expression of… something? So, I put the shoe on the other foot with this:

However, the most significant reason for his distaste, and the most troubling, is that he equates flowers and romance with the culture of romance novels, unrealistic heroes, and a wife’s unrealistic expectations for romance. He feels that by giving flowers he’s trying to reach some unattainable standard of perverted romance that plays to the romantic fantasies of women.

If you go back and read Bro. Russell’s posts you’ll find that within each of his posts he has an individual that prompted the post. In the post to husband’s it was a Pastor who had committed adultery. In the post to wives it was a wife who, “admitted to being sexually neglected.” However, Bro. Russell takes two different trails to basically the same issue, sexual neglect. For the husband’s he uses a scripture that we’re familiar with here at AGUM as it’s one we’ve used, 1 Cor. 7. For the wives he uses another scripture, Ephesians 5, where men care commanded to love their wife as Christ loves the church. Now, I don’t take issue with Brother Russell’s admonition to men but I do wonder what is wrong with using the same scripture, 1 Cor. 7, as he did when he wrote to the husbands as it speaks directly about sex and that was the sexually neglected wife’s reason for contacting him.

So, you’re probably thinking at this point, what do these three blog posts have to do with the title of this blog post. Well I’ll tell you. I think that Brother Russell makes the mistake that the church has been making for centuries, he treats sex different based on gender. He shouldn’t. A spouse’s need to feel desired is not a matter of gender. Men have more testosterone and that does do things to them but some women have needs that are more readily associated with men. Things like being visual or just being horny. There aren’t hard and fast rules for this stuff. Every person is different which makes every marriage different as well.

So, to the question, “Why don’t women need sex?” They do! It’s time that the church accept the fact that a happy, healthy marriage includes two individuals that need intimacy fulfillment and that includes physical intimacy. It’s not a matter of gender. It never has been.

Posted in Marriage - Tagged desire, gender

Intimacy Isn’t Just a Code Word for Sex

May01
2012 2 Comments Written by Kentucky Colonel

A post by J at Hot, Holy & Humorous and another by Julie over at Intimacy in Marriage got me to thinking about intimacy in marriage and, no, I don’t just mean sex. This is how I’d like us to define intimacy for this and all our discussions:

Intimacy is the act of allowing someone to truly know the real you.

When we’re talking about sex we’ll say “sex.” We won’t use “code words.” We’ll say what we mean and intimacy isn’t just physical.

I can think of at least three forms of intimacy within each marriage, physical, emotional and spiritual. First let’s apply our definition of intimacy to the first two, physical (yeah baby!) and emotional. Typically there will be a higher drive spouse for each of these in a marriage. Rarely will the one that is high drive for physical intimacy also be the high drive for emotional intimacy though I guess it does happen. Again, typically what will happen in a marriage is that we expect other people to be like us. We expect our spouse to have the same level of desire for physical and emotional intimacy that we have and when they don’t we have a hard time reconciling that with our experience. Likely our spouse is having the same issue with us. They don’t understand why we are not like them.

At some point in my marriage I realized what was happening. I was having a hard time sharing my heart with my wife because she was having a hard time sharing her body with me. At the same time my wife was having a hard time sharing her body with me because I was having a difficult time sharing my heart with her. Do you see the cycle that was playing out in our marriage? Do you see how frustrating this type of situation can be? Do you see how to break the cycle?

The first thing you have to do to break a cycle is to first recognize it. Once it has been identified you are well on your way to breaking the cycle IF you’re both willing to step up and do your part. This is where we talk about growing up. We each had to realize that our experience wasn’t the “truth” we thought it to be. We had to agree that God didn’t mess up in the way that he made either of us. That neither of us was morally superior because of our preference. We each had to grow up and make changes and choose to meet the desires of our spouse. In doing so we each made it easier to be more intimate both emotionally and physically with one another.

Be looking for part two of this discussion in the next few days.

Posted in Marriage - Tagged emotional, intimacy, physical

Sex and the Good Samaritan

Apr23
2012 Leave a Comment Written by Kentucky Colonel

The church at Corinth was having issues regarding sex and sent questions to the Apostle Paul about the issues they were facing. Below is a part of Paul’s answer to the church at Corinth.

1 Corinthians 7:1-6
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.

Yeah, I’m sure you’ve seen this before but I’m going to take a slightly different tack with it.

Paul points out two factors that seem to relate to the questions the church at Corinth had. First, is the fact that sexual immorality was occurring and the second is temptation because of a lack of self-control. The issues that the church in Corinth faced isn’t much different than the church faces today. How to remain sexually moral in a time of sexual immorality with temptation surrounding us testing our self control. Paul’s answer to sexual immorality, temptation and a lack of self-control? Have sex with your spouse.

Now, I have head these scriptures explained away much like the “expert in the law” tried to justify himself in Luke 10. To the “expert in the law” Jesus told The Parable of the Good Samaritan. When Jesus had finished telling the parable he asked the “expert in the Law” who had been a neighbor to the man that was robbed and left for dead? The “expert in the law” answered, “The one who had mercy on him.” (NIV)

I share that to ask this question, can we all agree that it is good for each of us to provide a fulfilling sex life to our spouse so that they can more easily face the sexual immorality in our society, the sexual temptation inherent in this sexually immoral society, and their own lack of self-control? To answer no one would have to make the same type of justification that the “expert in the law” tried to make.

James 4:17 (NIV)
If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

Once we know the good that we ought to do and we choose to not do it we have committed the sin of omission. On top of this, we have placed our spouse in a precarious position. We have made it more difficult for them to face the temptations of this sexually immoral society in which we and they live. Make no mistake, each sin is accounted to the one that chooses to sin. As an example, my sin of omission would not give my wife a “pass” on her sexual sin, just as her lack of sexual sin wouldn’t release me of my hard-hearted sin of omission.

Proverbs 3:27-28 (NIV)
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.
Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”—when you already have it with you.

And after the “expert in the law” had answered that the man who showed mercy had acted like a neighbor to the man that was robbed and left half dead, Jesus replied, “Go and do likewise.” (NIV)

Posted in Marriage - Tagged 1 Corinthians 7, Good Samaritan, James 4, Proverbs 3

Some Observations on Sex

Jul28
2011 5 Comments Written by Kentucky Colonel

Married couple I’ve only been at this blogging thing for a little but I have some observations to make about somethings I think I’m seeing.

Sex Is A Huge Issue In Many Marriages

As I’ve mentioned before the posts that draw the largest audience are the posts that I’ve made about sex. The more sexually obvious the title the more views.
There are a number of very good bloggers posting on the topic of sex in marriage some of the professional Marriage Counselors. Obviously they see what a huge issue this is in marriages or they wouldn’t dedicate their blogging time to just this one area of marriage.

The Wrong People Are Reading These Blogs

Now I don’t know this for certain, but I’m fairly sure that the majority of those that read my posts on sex and the other bloggers posts on sex are more than likely the higher sex drive spouse in their marriages looking for answers.

Dr. David Schnarch (affiliate link) would say that the lower sex drive partner controls the sex.
Higher sex drive spouses are looking for ways to take more control in their marriage beds. That’s how I got started on my interest in creating a better marriage. Thank God (literally) that I am married to a generous, good-willed spouse.

I’m sure there are some generous, good-willed, lower sex drive spouses out there that read these blogs but I think they’re mostly a minority. As Paul Byerly recently pointed out If I Don’t Admit It, It’s Not True. Too often we believe it is easier to continue to delude ourselves than it is to work for a better marriage (See: Why People Avoid the Truth About Themselves).

Generalities and Stereotypes Can Be Hurtful

Honestly, it took me a long time to learn this myself.

It isn’t always the husband in a marriage that has the higher sex drive.
Wives aren’t any less likely to be tempted sexually. Their temptation may be slightly different but it’s still temptation.

Posted in Marriage - Tagged refusal

Naked and Unashamed

Jul06
2011 8 Comments Written by Kentucky Colonel

Holding hands
As a follow up to It’s Just Sex… I thought it would be a good idea to further explore the idea of how sex is more than “just sex.”

Intimacy is more than a code word for sex. Intimacy in and of itself has a greater meaning in marriage beyond the physically intimate. Choosing to be intimate is to allow one’s self to be fully known. To take the risk of revealing one’s true self to someone. It is usually reserved for those that we really love, whose acceptance we seek. That is what makes intimacy risky. Acceptance versus rejection, and intimacy versus unfamiliarity. Acceptance for who we truly are or acceptance for someone we really aren’t. That dance between the desire to be accepted by the one we love most for who we truly are versus being rejected by the one we love most for revealing who we truly are. There is so much wrapped up in this struggle for integrity about who we really are and this need for being accepted by our significant other.

I think that the idea of being accepted for who we are is captured in Genesis 2:25:

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed~Genesis 2:25 (NASB)

The idea that the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed is very powerful because it suggests total acceptance one for the other. I believe that God’s design for intimacy in marriage (and I mean more than just sex) can allow us to experience a little bit of what Eden must have been like within the safety of our marriage if both spouses allow it. Can we stand emotionally naked, intellectually naked, spiritually naked, physically naked before our spouse and not be ashamed? Should we be able to stand naked before our spouse and not be ashamed?

For those of us who are the higher drive spouse in our marriages sex has the possibility to be more than just a release. The reason I say possibility is that there is a minimum amount of sex that is needed to meet the physical need, beyond that is where there is room for a more emotional and relational connection exists. As Paul Byerly of The Generous Husband and The Marriage Bed stated in his reply to Kate’s post Masturbation: What’s a Wife to Do? from One Flesh Marriage

Having this [minimum] level [of sex] met by his bride also makes him feel understood and loved. Beyond this minimum level, there is a desire for far more, and it is in that desire that you find his more emotional and relational needs and desires.

The best analogy I have heard for this is the food analogy. If you ask a starving man how much food is enough food he will likely have little idea. The same applies to a higher drive spouse who has never had that higher drive met. They are likely to exaggerate what they believe enough sex is because they’ve never been “full” before. Once the higher drive spouse gets their fill so to speak and they understand that sex isn’t going to be taken way from them they will likely come to more accurate conclusion about what that minimum need is.

Now if you figure out what the minimum is and that’s all you give you are doing your higher drive spouse and your marriage a disservice. Why? Because it is beyond the minimum where the higher drive spouse will find the emotional and relational connection and this will greatly benefit the lower drive spouse as well. If you’re stuck on doing the minimum it would be a good idea to read Paul Byerly’s post How Little Can I Get By With? Think of the higher drive spouse’s desire as a continuum with the minimum physical need being zero, less is negative and more is positive.

Again, the higher drive/lower drive dichotomy applies to more than sex. Are you the lower drive spouse for emotional connection? Are you okay with sharing an emotional hurt with your spouse? Where on the continuum are you falling in regards to meeting that need in your spouse? Are your conversations meaningful, or are you just doing the minimum?

The grown-up spouse understands the needs, desires and wants of their spouse and seeks to meet them and go beyond the minimum. The grown up spouse also understands that shame is a feeling that comes from actions that are dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc. and not from sharing our true self with our spouse. Yes, it is true that our spouse can choose to reject our true self but our spouse’s choices say more about them than they do about us. If anything it is disappointing and shows a lack of maturity in the one doing the rejecting, not the one being rejected.

Are you ashamed of who you are?

Posted in Marriage - Tagged connection, desire, integrity, unashamed

It’s Just Sex…

Jun30
2011 8 Comments Written by Kentucky Colonel

Couple Ever heard this in your marriage? How about felt like that was the attitude of your spouse? It’s damaging to so many marriages. When we marry we marry “for better or worse” with the understanding that we’ll all work for “better.” Too many spouses are worried more about how little they can get by with (link to The Generous Husband’s post on this subject) that they don’t realize what the damage they are doing to their marriage and, when it comes right down to it, themselves. It’s “just sex’ until it’s an affair or porn then all of a sudden it isn’t “just sex” anymore. Sex goes from “just sex” to “SEX!” In scripture I’m certain there is no attitude of “just sex.” Sex is either blessed in marriage or a sin outside of marriage. The attitude of “just sex” comes from a world view that places mankind as little more than another animal. If sex were truly “just sex” then we wouldn’t have so many issues cropping up in marriage around the issue of sex.

The idea of “just sex” promotes premarital sex, “It’s just sex go ahead and do it,” and marital infidelity through the withholding of sex, “It’s just sex you don’t have to do it.” Yes, you read that right, marital infidelity. If fidelity is defined as:

strict observance of promises, duties, etc.
loyalty.
conjugal faithfulness.

Then withholding sex is certainly a form of infidelity. We make promises toward loyalty and conjugal faithfulness and then we see how little we can get away with giving. It would have been more honest if we had stood up before God and our community and instead of promising “for better or worse” we promised “for as little with which we can get by.” We know that it isn’t “just sex” because if it was “just sex” then it wouldn’t be that big a deal to give it or to get it but the frequency, or lack thereof, is a huge issues in too many “Christian” marriages. Part of the problem is that this tends to be a marriage’s best kept secret. If either spouse were fooling around on the other sooner or later it’s going to come out but with sexual refusal both spouses are usually content to keep the secret.

In Marriage and Class Five Rapids we took a look at 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Verse three says:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.~1 Corinthians 7:3 (NIV)

The word translated duty in the NIV is the Greek word opheilō. This literally means that each spouse owes this specific debt to their spouse. This is exactly what you are signing for when you marry.

In the past we have talked about the high drive/low drive issues within marriage and we’ve also mentioned that this applies to more than sex but it applies to sex especially. Why do I say “especially?” Because unlike other things your spouse isn’t your only outlet. Conversation, emotional connection, there are valid, non-sinful outlets for these other than your spouse. I have interesting conversations with my sons and we connect on an emotional level. There is nothing wrong with that. My wife and her best friend have conversation down to an art form and there is nothing wrong with that. There are problems, and we all recognize and realize this, when we look for fulfillment outside of our spouse when it comes to sex. So, it isn’t “just sex.”

If it were “just sex” then it wouldn’t matter where the higher drive spouse got sex but we know that it does matter. First and most importantly it matters to God. Secondly it matters to the low drive spouse as well (if it doesn’t matter to the lower drive spouse where their spouse is getting the sexual needs met then there are bigger issues in that marriage). The reason that it matters to the lower drive spouse is deep down we all know that it isn’t “just sex.” Sex between a husband and a wife is more than physical. When done correctly it is emotional, physical and spiritual. It is designed to be a bonding experience between a married couple. That which God designed for bonding has been so corrupted that there are many issues surrounding the sexual relationship in many marriages. God’s design for sex has been so manipulated in our society that it is hard to recognize and a big part of that manipulation is this idea that any sex is “just sex.”

Posted in Marriage - Tagged high drive, infidelity, just sex, low drive

Marriage and Class Five Rapids

Jun14
2011 6 Comments Written by Kentucky Colonel

Girl negotiating rapids. We live in an overly sexualized culture. Sexual messages are all around us everyday on billboards, TVs, and the Internet. As a Christian I believe that sex was designed specifically for the marital relationship. The best analogy I’ve ever heard compared sex to a class five rapid. A class five rapid is a powerful force in nature and because of that you won’t find a class five rapid in a bathtub or a fishbowl. You find class five rapids in gorges and in canyons because gorges and canyons are designed to contain the power of a class five rapid. Sex is a powerful force in human relationships and marriage was designed to contain that power just like gorges and canyons are designed to contain class five rapids. The power of sex brings together and creates a strong bond between a husband and a wife.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
~Genesis 2:24 (NIV)

Honestly I think we read too much into the above scripture and make it say things that it doesn’t. Things that may sound good but aren’t actually meant by the verse. A big part of what I think the verse talks about is sexual intercourse. That powerful, bonding experience shared between a man and a woman. I’ve seen this verse used as a weapon to suggest that anything that promotes individuality within the marriage is an affront to the “one flesh” marriage as if the definition of “one flesh” is “two people actually becoming like one person.” Personally I reject that definition of “one flesh” first, because I don’t believe that that is what scripture teaches and secondly, because I don’t think it is practical. I think that it’s a lie that we have bought because it sounds so magical. Perhaps there are people that would like to ignore the obvious sexual aspect of the verse as well. I believe that marriage is more like two whole people coming together to create something new and wonderful. Remaining individuals but also belonging to something greater that changes and grows them.

If sex is supposed to be this powerful bonding experience within marriage, then why in so many marriages is it just the opposite? Why is sex or sexual matters always on the list of the top marital issues? Of the seven issues listed in About.com’s list of Top Marriage Issues of 2008 three of them were related to sex (pornography, lack of sex and infidelity). Why? I think scripture gives us a clue as to why.

Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
~1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (NASB)

Frankly, it’s because couples aren’t having enough sex or that the sex they are having is unfulfilling sex. I am certain that sexual refusal is the secret sin in many failing marriages. Sexual temptation in our society is real. If I know that a lack of sex makes my spouse more vulnerable to the sexual temptations out there, what is the grown up thing for me to do? What is the right and good thing to do? What is the moral thing to do? What is the scriptural thing to do?

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
~James 4:17 (NIV)

I am amazed that there are spouses out there, depending on your source 25-33 percent of them male, that claim to love their spouse but refuse to make love to them. Making love is more than just doing your sexual duty. That’s like following the letter of the law and missing the Spirit of it. Making love is fulfilling the sexual needs of your spouse and your marriage.

Sex is a powerful force in marriage. I believe that it was created by God to be a wonderfully bonding experience but has been misused and been allowed to become just the opposite, a point of contention in marriage. Sex should not be a reward for good behavior. Sex should not be withheld as a punishment. Sex should never be used as manipulation. Using sex as a reward, a punishment or as a tool of manipulation all lessen the bonding experience sex in marriage is supposed to be.

As mature people let us determine to do the good we know we ought to do and use the power of sex in our marriage as it was designed to be used, as a meaningful, bonding experience between a husband and a wife.

For a good discussion of the finer points of saying yes and no to sex read Hot, Holy & Humorous‘ Withholding Wanda and Never-Say-No Nina posts.

Posted in Marriage - Tagged bonding, class five rapids, powerful, sexual refusal, sin

Do You Have a High Drive?

Mar31
2011 2 Comments Written by Kentucky Colonel

Disclaimer: My wife has never made me lima beans. Thank you, Angel.

You may think that the title of this post has to do with sex. Well, it does and it doesn’t. It has to do with preferences and how those preferences impact our marriage relationship.

We are all entitled to our preferences. For example, I’m not a big fan of lima beans but some people like them. I have no problem with people liking lima beans because they can have their lima beans and I can leave them alone. However, when we enter marriage these preferences begin to impact, and sometimes clash with, the preferences of the person to whom we are married. Let’s go back to the lima beans example, if my wife likes them that still isn’t a problem unless she finds it odd that I don’t like them and tries to convince me that I do like them or thinks that I should like them. Now in this example my wife would be high drive for lima beans and I would be low drive for them.

So, let’s say that my wife in an effort to get me to like lima beans decides that once a week that will be our vegetable for supper. Because I don’t like lima beans I pass on eating any of the lima beans. Because her goal was to get me to like them, because in her mind lima beans are great, my decision to not eat the lima beans may offend her. If she were to bring up the fact that I’m not eating any lima beans I’d let her know that I really hate the taste and texture of lima beans and it’s OK if she wants them but I’m not going to eat any. So she quits making lima beans, which is fine with me because I don’t like them, but it leaves a bad taste in her mouth.

Now in the case of the lima beans which spouse controlled the situation more regarding the lima beans, the low drive spouse or the high drive spouse? It’s the low drive spouse and it will be the low drive spouse in just about any situation whether that’s saving money or spending time with family. The low drive spouse will control the when, how long, how much and how often of whatever the desire is.

This becomes more of a problem with things that are mutually exclusive choices unlike eating lima beans. For example do we spend the money or do we save it. Even in that there is some room for compromise but the low drive for savings spouse is going to control just how much actually ends up getting saved in most cases. Where low drive versus high drive really stresses a relationship is in something that is truly mutually exclusive such as sex. My wife can choose to have lima beans and I can choose to leave them alone, but when it comes to sex we’re either having it together or we’re not having it at all. Any “substitute” is either sinful (adultery) or not the unifying experience that sex is supposed to be between married couples. It is true also that the low drive spouse for sex will dictate the when, where, how often, position, etc. of marital sex.

In future posts we’ll take a closer look at the low drive/high drive dichotomy.

NOTE: The idea of low drive vs. high drive came from Passionate Marriage (affiliate link) and Intimacy and Desire (affiliate link) by Dr. David Schnarch.