A high sex drive spouse doesn’t just want their spouse to be willing to have sex, a high sex drive spouse wants their spouse to want to have sex.
I think that sentiment is true. It is difficult for the higher sex drive spouse to conceive of someone not wanting to make love to the person they married. It’s just inconceivable.
Often the lower drive spouse thinks that sex, or the lack thereof, is “no big deal” when you consider everything else they do for their higher drive spouse. Again, a level of not being able to conceive of someone needing to have sex to feel loved and accepted. It’s just inconceivable to them.
Why? It is outside their personal experience. In other words, in both cases the spouse cannot conceive of someone not believing/behaving just like they do. It is outside of their experience. It is not the way that they experience life. The higher drive spouse cannot imagine not wanting to make love to their spouse and the lower drive spouse cannot understand why their spouse is so distant after all the other things they do for them. It’s just inconceivable.
A couple of things each of these people are going to have to learn to live with. First, the higher drive spouse is going to have to learn that their lower drive spouse just doesn’t experience love the same way that they do and give up on their spouse actually wanting to have sex with them every time they do have sex. I’m not saying that there won’t be times where the lower drive spouse does feel that sexual desire for their spouse but that the higher drive spouse shouldn’t count on it. The second thing they are going to have to learn to live with is that the lower drive spouse is going to have to accept that no matter how often they take care of their spouse other wants, needs or desires, as long as they’re denying them sex it will not matter what else they do. It just won’t.
When we grow up we have to learn that everyone does not experience life exactly like we do. As inconceivable as that is, it’s true.
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