Every marriage is different. The issues in each marriage are different. Every person is different. There may be common marital issues, finances, in-law interference, sex, etc. but really everyone’s experience is different.
Too many hold their spouse responsible for the state of their marriage while doing little to be a better spouse and/or enabling their spouse’s poor behavior. If you are unhappy with your marriage the questions you need to be asking are things like:
- What does a healthy marriage look like?
- How does a healthy marriage differ from my marriage?
- How am I contributing to what is bad in my marriage?
- What do I need to be doing to improve my marriage?
- How can I encourage my spouse to join me in seeking a better marriage?
It only takes one stubborn, immature, selfish jerk in a marriage to make it miserable but the majority of us aren’t married to an actual stubborn, immature, selfish jerk though we might mistake their lack of understanding as stubborn, immature, selfish jerkiness. If you believe you are married to a good-willed spouse who you love and who you believe loves you then perhaps they’re interested in a better marriage as well. Are they clueless that you’re unhappy? Why?
Are you allowing your fear of your spouse negative emotions to control you? Have you traded your integrity for calm and quiet? If you continue to do what you’ve always done you will continue to get what you’ve always received out of your marriage.
Life is too short to accept the unacceptable but we have to be a mature grown up in confronting unacceptable behavior.
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