Paul B. of The Generous husband writes about a wife who believes that limiting the amount of sex her husband is allowed will draw him close to God. Here it is in Paul B’s words:
The wife has indicated God wants her to limit the amount of sex because the man cares too much about sex, and denying him sex will help him develop a deeper relationship with God. In other words, this woman claims it is God’s will for her to say no to her husband for as long as a couple of months at a time.
In my experience sexual deprivation actually results in the opposite of what this wife believes. It causes people to question God’s compassion when they are faced with a spouse that has no desire for them and shows little compassion themselves. When you replace what scripture actually says with your own version of the Holy Spirit it isn’t going to turn out well.
We lose when we try to take God’s gifts and misuse them for our own purposes. God’s design for sex is to bring two different people together is a physical, emotional and spiritual bond. To regularly deny your spouse sex and expect good things is tantamount to telling God you know better than He does.
Why do we believe these lies and how long has this been going on? For centuries. The early church had issues with gnosticism and Greek-dualism. Long story short, if it feels good it must be sinful (and what feels better than an orgasm). Suffering and depriving yourself of comfort was seen as holy. The one area of our lives where these heretical beliefs actually continue is sex, a wife who believes that depriving her husband of sex will drive him closer to God…
To be clear, I can understand choosing a more simple life or removing distractions as to be more able to focus more completely on God but even these things can become a slippery slope particularly when we decide that everyone has the same calling as we do and should be living their life in the same way. If they don’t, then they must not be as spiritual as you. Some people are called to adopt, some people are called to the foreign mission field, some people are called to Pastor churches, some people are called to have large families, some people are called to a celibate life (these people shouldn’t marry). The body of Christ is diverse in its callings. To decide that your calling makes you holier than someone with a different calling is wrong.
So, back to the topic, the thought that limiting sex within marriage is holy is the opposite of what scripture actually teaches. However, many, like the wife from Paul B’s post, believe that they are more holy for denying their spouse sex. Where would they get such an idea? The church not telling the whole truth? Not knowing what scripture actually says about marital sex? The thought that “it’s just sex“? Who knows why but they believe that what they are doing isn’t sinful but holy.
After all of these centuries what are some of the things we can we do to try and kill this heresy?
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