1. Our Family’s Happiness and Well Being
This is what keeps your husband up at night. This is predominately what makes your husband toss and turn at night. His concern for you and for your children.
2. Sex (Obviously)
But probably not for the reasons you believe.
First, apologies to the wives for whom this does not apply.
Next, let’s talk about the rules of sex in marriage. The lower-drive spouse always controls the sex in a relationship, frequency and variety. Depending on what studies or polls you look at between 20% to 33% of women are the higher-drive spouse. That means in about 67% of the cases men are the higher-drive spouse and have their sex life controlled by their lower-drive wife.
Usually on this blog we don’t assign non-scriptural stereotypes to genders but since this is a post about what many (most?) men have on their minds I’m going to make an exception and hopefully clear up what the stereotypes get wrong.
Your husband wants to connect with you physically because when you share your body with him he feels closer to you emotionally. Now, there is a point where sex will move from being about having a needed orgasm to being emotionally connected. Just like there is a point where a malnourished person becomes a well fed person, they can now sit down and enjoy a meal without worrying about where their next meal will come from. If a higher drive spouse wants sex twice a week but is being refused half the time they are getting half the sex they want. If they begin initiating less frequently because rejection hurts but still receive about a 50% success rate they’re getting less than half the sex they desire. They’re starving for physical connection. This is NOT an environment for emotional connection.
Sex may be the tool that you need to connect emotionally with your husband. When he feels closer to you emotionally he is more able to share his heart with you. Unless you are married to a stubborn,immature, selfish, jerk it is likely by denying him a fulfilling sex life you are denying yourself a more emotionally connected husband.
A fulfilling sex life isn’t just about frequency, it’s about variety as well. It is about accepting his eroticism and sharing your own. If you’re a gatekeeper you’ll need to unlock the gate and let your husband out of his cage.
3. He Desires Your Acceptance
This is tied to #2 but is more as well. As much as you want your husband to love and desire you, he wants the same from you. If you could see yourself through your husband’s eyes you would likely be surprised to find how beautiful you really are.
For several reasons. Competition, fairness, winners and losers, family traditions.
Our family is a sports family. We have season tickets to the local University’s basketball and football games. We’re baseball fans. Our youngest continues to play club baseball in college. My wife comes from a sports loving family and I’m blessed that she loves sports almost as much as I do. Shared experiences creates bonds for many men. You may be missing an opportunity to bond with your husband if you’re not watching or going to the games with him.
My father taught me to love baseball and it was passed along to one of my sons. For that reason, my father teaching me to love the game, we continue to be a baseball family.
My mom has told me that I have a strong sense of justice. I don’t know if that’s because I’m a first-born, a guy, both or neither but for the most part, I think most guys are interested in fairness, in justice. Play the game by the rules and know the score at the end of the game. There are winners and losers and lessons can be learned from competing.
5. To Find Peace
This is tied to all of the above. The prayer I have prayed the most in my 50 years on this earth is, “Lord, give me peace.”
Other than God a man’s wife has the most power in helping him find some of the peace that he seeks.
Happy Father’s Day!
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