J’s post Does Sexy Lingerie Promote a Perverted View of Beauty? got me to thinking about perceived differences between men and women. Honestly, it actually began with two posts by Pastor Bob Russell, Wives, Help Your Husbands Stay Pure! (1 Corinthians 6-7) and Husbands, Help Your Wives Stay Pure!, but J’s post is what prompted me to write this. For the record I think J’s and Brother Russell’s posts are good and don’t disagree with them as it they written for particular audiences.
In J’s post she share the following from a male reader:
However, the most significant reason for her distaste, and the most troubling, is that she equates lingerie with the culture of porn, strippers, and unrealistic expectations of female beauty. She feels that by wearing such things she’s trying to reach some unattainable standard of perverted beauty that plays in the fantasies of men.
I added a comment to the post because when I read the quote above the first question that entered my mind was, what’s the difference between a wife wearing lingerie for her husband, and a husband sending his wife flowers? Isn’t each is an expression of… something? So, I put the shoe on the other foot with this:
However, the most significant reason for his distaste, and the most troubling, is that he equates flowers and romance with the culture of romance novels, unrealistic heroes, and a wife’s unrealistic expectations for romance. He feels that by giving flowers he’s trying to reach some unattainable standard of perverted romance that plays to the romantic fantasies of women.
If you go back and read Bro. Russell’s posts you’ll find that within each of his posts he has an individual that prompted the post. In the post to husband’s it was a Pastor who had committed adultery. In the post to wives it was a wife who, “admitted to being sexually neglected.” However, Bro. Russell takes two different trails to basically the same issue, sexual neglect. For the husband’s he uses a scripture that we’re familiar with here at AGUM as it’s one we’ve used, 1 Cor. 7. For the wives he uses another scripture, Ephesians 5, where men care commanded to love their wife as Christ loves the church. Now, I don’t take issue with Brother Russell’s admonition to men but I do wonder what is wrong with using the same scripture, 1 Cor. 7, as he did when he wrote to the husbands as it speaks directly about sex and that was the sexually neglected wife’s reason for contacting him.
So, you’re probably thinking at this point, what do these three blog posts have to do with the title of this blog post. Well I’ll tell you. I think that Brother Russell makes the mistake that the church has been making for centuries, he treats sex different based on gender. He shouldn’t. A spouse’s need to feel desired is not a matter of gender. Men have more testosterone and that does do things to them but some women have needs that are more readily associated with men. Things like being visual or just being horny. There aren’t hard and fast rules for this stuff. Every person is different which makes every marriage different as well.
So, to the question, “Why don’t women need sex?” They do! It’s time that the church accept the fact that a happy, healthy marriage includes two individuals that need intimacy fulfillment and that includes physical intimacy. It’s not a matter of gender. It never has been.
This content is published under the Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.